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It's Been Reported
for the week ending 1 December 2019

Recently Pardoned Turkey Found Dead After
Claiming To Have Dirt On Hillary Clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Babylon B) – A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today.

The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turkey's head and the bird lacked opposable thumbs with which to operate a firearm.

The turkey had been publicly pardoned for the crime of being delicious and set free by Trump in a popular White House Thanksgiving tradition. Shortly after being released, the turkey confirmed its possession of "credible" information that would lead to the indictment of Hillary Clinton, posting on the bird's social media account that it was a good thing Trump had pardoned the turkey, so the world could find the truth out about the Clintons.
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Donald Trump Signs Animal Cruelty Bill Targeting 'Heinous and Sadistic' Animal 'Crush' Video Producers

WASHINGTON (Daily Mail) — Donald Trump signed the first animal cruelty bill of his presidency on Monday, outlawing narrow types of egregious violence usually committed for the purpose of videotaping them.

The Senate unanimously passed the Preventing Animal Cruelty and Torture Act this month after a similar House vote in late October. It applies to non-human mammals, birds, reptiles, and amphibians, building on a 2010 law that criminalized the distributon of so-called 'crush' videos – footage meant to satisfy an unusual sexual fetish – by also outlawing the production of the films.

Producing a crush video typically consists of filming a small animal being killed by stomping on it. But the new law expands the definition to include animals that are 'purposely crushed, burned, drowned, suffocated, impaled, or otherwise subjected to serious bodily injury.'
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 24-Cylinder Monster Truck Big Rig Sells For $12 Million At Auction

(Road and Track) — Want to talk about over-the-top? Well, this is about as outrageous as it gets. This truck is the result of a seven year project put together by Mike Harrah, and it's about the most insane thing we've ever seen touch the pavement. Even wilder? It just sold at auction for an incredible $12 million.
Thor 24 Monster Truck
The truck, aptly named Thor24, started out as a Peterbilt 359 crew cab semi, which was stretched to 44 feet to accommodate twin 13.9-liter Detroit diesel V-12 engines. There are a total of 12 superchargers attached to the blocks, allowing for a total output of 3974 horsepower. Despite weighing no less than 32,000 pounds, it's able to reach a claimed top speed of 130 mph.

Perhaps more impressive than the stats is the design. Each cylinder gets its own upward-pointing, fire-breathing exhaust header. The superchargers are stacked next to each other and chromed-out in spectacular fashion, with NOS bottles mounted in the middle cluster. The swooping vertical grille design is inspired by Ford Thirties hot rods. The polished aluminum dash has a boost gauge for every single supercharger. Best of all, it still has all the necessary equipment to tow a full-size trailer. It's every trucker's fantasy come to life.
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Nancy Grace Joins Fox Nation Streaming Service

NEW YORK (AP) — Former CNN mainstay Nancy Grace is signing up for a crime show on Fox Nation, an illustration of how Fox News' streaming service has evolved counter to expectations one year into operation.

Cameras will show her delivering her podcast and SiriusXM radio show, "Crime Stories with Nancy Grace," five days a week.  The program is modeled after her popular television series that ran on the HLN network for many years.

"We spotlight breaking crime and justice news, help find missing people, especially children, solve unsolved homicides and analyze clues left behind," Grace said.

Fox Nation, the streaming service available for $65 a year, will begin offering "Crime Stories" in January.
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 Stray Dog Found Warming Five Abandoned Kittens
On Side Of Snowy Road

CHATHAM, Ontario (CBS Local) — A dog found keeping five kittens warm on the side of a road on a cold night in Canada was rescued and will soon be available for adoption.

Pet and Wildlife Rescue said an animal control officer picked up the family of six after a "good citizen" spotted them in mid-November and called the shelter in Chatham, Ontario.

The dog, now named Serenity, is estimated to be about two years old. The shelter is currently accepting applications to adopt Serenity. It says she will be ready to go her forever home after she's spayed on Dec. 3.

Pet and Wildlife Rescue said the kittens are "resting peacefully in a warm foster home" until they are old enough to be adopted in a few months.
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Ex-Con Jailed On Grand Theft Burrito Charge

PHOENIX (Smoking Gun) — An Arizona felon is back behind bars following his arrest last Saturday night on a grand theft burrito charge, cops report.

According to investigators, Timothy Bell, 29, approached a man on a Phoenix street and “took that person’s property by force” while making “threatening statements.”

The stolen property, a felony complaint states, was a “burrito, of a value less than $1000.”

After having his burrito stolen, the victim called 911 and followed Bell until police located the ex-con and arrested him on a downtown Phoenix street around 8:40 PM. Bell, who is listed as a transient in court records, was found in possession of a “wrapper from burrito he stole,” cops reported.
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Former ‘Teacher Of The Year’
Performed Oral Sex On Student In Classroom

(Law & Crime) — A former “Teacher of the Year” in Williamson County, Texas has been charged with having an illegal sexual interaction with a student. Randi Chaverria, 36, was arrested Tuesday on a charge of improper relationship between educator and student, according to court records viewed by Law&Crime. The defendant posted bond on Tuesday of $25,000. No attorney of record is named.

The alleged victim told cops she performed oral sex on him twice on or around October 16, according to an affidavit obtained by KVUE. Text messages between Chaverria and the student backed up the claims, cops said.

Officials with the Round Rock Independent School District said the defendant was already on leave as of November 18. This was a week before the allegation became public.
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