RAAF Humor

Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as Squawks or problems submitted recently by RAAF Pilots to Maintenance Engineers to fix prior to the aircraft's next flight.

After attending to the Squawks, the Maintenance Crews are required to log the details of action taken as a Solution to the Pilot's Squawks. The following are some recent Squawks and subsequent responses by Maintenance Crews.

P = The problem logged by the Pilot.
S = The Solution and action taken by Maintenance Engineers.

P — Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S — Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P — Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S — Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P — A2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
S — A2 Propeller seepage normal – A1, A3 and A4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P — Something loose in cockpit.
S — Something tightened in cockpit.

P — Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S — Evidence removed.

P — DME volume unbelievably loud.
S — Volume set to more believable level.

P — Suspected crack in windshield.
S — Suspect you're right.

P — Dead bugs on windshield.
S — Live bugs on backorder.

P — Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent.
S — Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P — Mouse in cockpit.
S — Cat installed.

P — IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S — IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P — Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S — That's what they're there for!

P — Number three engine missing.
S — Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P — Aircraft handles funny.
S — Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

P — Target Radar hums.
S — Reprogrammed Target Radar to whistle.

P — Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S — Took hammer away from the midget.