Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart
buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the
Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if
had a dog.
What did she think I had – an elephant?
I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and
a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.