|An entire new
strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as
soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately.
Monica Lewinsky virus --- Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Lorena Bobbit virus --- Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Ellen Degeneres virus --- Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus --- Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus --- Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus --- Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus --- Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Woody Allen virus --- By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
Joey Buttafuoco virus --- Only attacks minor files.
Spice Girl virus --- Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus --- Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Dr. Kevorkian virus --- Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Oprah Winfrey virus --- Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus --- Terminates and stays resident - It'll be back.
Viagra virus --- Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.
Clinton virus --- It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.
Federal Bureaucrat virus --- Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Paul Revere virus --- This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C:
A T & T virus --- Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus --- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Government Economist virus --- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Congressional virus --- Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus --- You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore.
Star Trek virus --- Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before.
Ted Turner virus --- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
PBS virus --- Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money.