Useful Phrases for
the Modern Workplace

Who says it has to be filty to be funny?

  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  • Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again ...

  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

  • No, my powers can only be used for good.

  • How about never? Is never good for you?

  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

  • You're beginning to sound reasonable ... Time to up my medication.

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

  • Who me? I just wander from room to room.

  • My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

  • It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

  • At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  • Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


TYSK eagle

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