I understand what I believe, how I believe, and the philosophical foundations of my beliefs. I've studied everything from Karl Marx, to Ludwig von Mises, from Friedrich Hayek to FDR, from Edmund Burke to Bertrand Russell, from Aristotle to Ayn Rand.

I understand modern conservative thought. I understand libertarian thought. I understand classical liberalism. What I can't begin to comprehend is modern liberalism. Maybe you can help me.

As near as I can tell, to be a liberal:

• You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
• You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.
• You have to be against capital punishment but for abortion on demand. In short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
• You have to believe that all trial lawyers are selfless heroes and all doctors are overpaid.
• You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in climate, than by yuppies driving SUVs.
• You have to believe that gender roles is right-wing propaganda, but being gay is natural.
• You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
• You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
• You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.
• You have to believe that Rosa Parks, Cesar Chavez, and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Benjamin Franklin.
• You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

Looking back on my list, it seems shallow, muddled, contradictory, divorced of logic and a bit sadistic.

Well, then ... does that describe the modern American liberal?"