Recently
reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the
following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys
during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful
witnesses:
- "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
- "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?"
- "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
- "Were you alone or by yourself?"
- "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in
the war?"
- "Did he kill you?"
- "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?"
- "You were there until the time you left, is that
true?"
- "How many times have you committed suicide?"
- Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
- Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
- Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
- Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
- Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
- Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
- Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
- Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
- Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?"
A: "Oral."
- Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing autopsy."
- Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
- Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."
- Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere."
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